on learning Spanish

Learning Spanish is hard. I knew it would be and it isn't necessarily more difficult than I thought it would be (I was very frustrated in my last Spanish class), but good heavens it is a complex language! It is coming along however. I can conjugate verbs much more easily now, though it isn't an extremely fluid process yet.

Today I got a little bit of a Spanish-high because I got to use my Spanish a fair amount when talking with a taxi driver when Rachel, Andrea, and I were heading back to the Tec. I'm sure it wasn't anything very impressive, but I did get to respond to a statement that he made about Arnold Schwarzenegger and I believe that I was understood. This interaction was interesting because our driver was speaking in his best English and we in our best Spanish. This was beneficial for me in that it allowed me to be able to speak in Spanish because I knew what he was saying, but in a sense wasn't helpful because I didn't get to practice my comprehension skills which are also sorely lacking.

Additionally, I went to the pharmacy today and attempted to get some information but it wasn't that fruitful. We realized as we were leaving that it wasn't because I was asking the question wrong but because what I was asking (how many days before needing my medications should I order them) just didn't make sense to them. In Mexico I guess you just go in and pick up the medication on the same day...and hope they have it in stock.

Some frustrations:

• I know that the best way to learn the language is to be speaking it with Mexicans and not spend so much time with the international students. But my classes are primarily with the international students. And among the Mexican students that I do interact with, I either need to speak English with them (because we are working on a project for which the level of complexity far surpasses my language skills--this applies to anything more intellectual than Dr. Suess at this point) or they talk to me in English automatically. Plus, I really like the international students. :-)
  
• I would really like to meet some Mexicans outside of the bubble of the Tec that I live in, but the level of accessibilty of the city prohibits me from venturing far on my own. I don't know how to solve this problem yet.
  
• I like formulaic learning yet I know that just being exposed to Spanish, even though I don't understand it all, helps me to learn. This is a very mystical and magical osmosis process that I wish I could make sense of.
  
• I feel an enormous sense of guilt when I speak in English, listen to music in English, or read in English now. I don't want to waste a moment of this opportunity that seems to be passing me by, but sometimes I just want to have a real conversation without struggling. I allow myself Thursday nights after class ends at 7pm for guilt-free indulgence in all things in the English-language.

Some observations:

• Spanish is a very literal language that makes so much more sense logically when you think about it. For instance, in English we say, "I am hungry" but the very essence of the phrase "I am" implies something much more substantial than a passing sensation. In Spanish you say, "Tengo hambre" which literally translated means, "I have hunger" which is a much better representation of what is meant to be communicated.
  
• Spanish is also a rather efficient language as far as I can tell at this stage of my understanding. I know that often times we think Spanish is quite a verbose language, using more words than we do in English--and certainly at times this is true. But the verbs are quite amazing, encompassing not only an action but the person doing that action and the moment in time that action is, has, or will take place. For instance, "¿Qué haces?" means "What are you doing?". Additionally, the upside down question marks and exclamation marks are supremely helpful when reading. I don't know how many times reading aloud not realizing that the sentence was actually a question or meant to be read with more feeling that I have completely butchered the meaning.
  
• With this economy of words also comes the necessity for an incredibly large amount of words and complex sentence structures in order to express just what you want. I know that there is some rhyme or reason to this system (aside from those cursed irregular verbs), but this causes me much frustration and agony--and at times, embarrassment (one day in el centro when meaning to tell a woman holding out a cup asking for money on the street that I didn't have any change, I actually told her that she didn't have any change...how very rude of me).
  
• I find it rather amusing that I can say a word incorrectly, but it is still a real word and instead of getting a weird look communicating, "What are you saying?" it is more a look of "Are you sure you know what you are saying?".
  
• I also seem to be getting worse at English, not being able to recall words as quickly as I may normally be able to. I don't know if this is a good thing, indicating that my brain is deep in Spanish-mode, but given my current ability in Spanish I think it simply means that I now speak two languages poorly instead of one.